One Long Post and Thoughts About Pardeis

Brace yourselves for one long post.
Sundays don't exist in Israel. After returning from Jerusalem, our group split up into different volunteer projects for the day, and my bus (Bus Krembo, named after some delicious Israeli equivalent of the Mallowmar) went....ORANGE PICKING. Ok, if you know me, you know I flipped out- I love that kind of thing. The organization we worked for was really cool- basically a man donated a bunch of fields and all of the produce in them goes to charity. It's called Shulchan L'Shulchan, or Table to Table. So yeah- beautiful sunny day, 5000 pounds of oranges picked and donated, enough said.
Monday we returned to Jerusalem and visited the Israel Museum, an outdoor model of the city as it would have looked during the time of the First Temple. It was really cool to see it from a bird's eye view and really see everything, because the Old City of Jerusalem, which we went to afterwards, is like a maze. The high stone walls and floors made are all the same color; there are no trees or flowers or open spaces in the heart of the city. It felt like a cocoon in a way that Israel feels like a cocoon to me-it feels safe. We drove to the South in the evening and went for a walk at sunset to a place I have a hard time describing. I've never been to the Grand Canyon, but I imagine the place we went would look like it. We're talking sand dune/cliff/mountains, layered in stripes of reds, browns, and oranges. Middle of nowhere. Vast. You can throw a rock off the side and hear it tumbling for a good minute or so. I hope that inaqequate description of one of the most beautiful places I have ever been will satisfy your imagination. We meditated at the top as the sun set and stars undiluted by city lights peeked out, and I think it gave all of us some much needed alone time.
We went to bed early because the next morning involved a 3:15 wake up to climbe Masada. The way up was fun and I was grateful not to be doing it in the heat of the day, despite my initial sleepiness and grumpiness. We spent a good 6 hours at the site, touring, discussing the Jew's choice to commit a mass suicide, and also having an interesting discussion about Mikvehs and practices of Orthodox Jewish courtship. I stayed awake for most of it. Before descending, our group shared a cool moment at the Southern fort as we shouted the Hebrew equivalent for "Masada will not happen again!" into the desert valley below us, and it echoed back perfectly. Very cool. A little eery.
In the afternoon we went to the Dead Sea, which was not as terrible as everyone hyped it up to be. Covered myself in mud, check. Floated and felt the strange density of the water, check. I experienced no tear-inducing burning, but I did lick the water and I wouldn't recommend doing that to anyone.
Wednesday was another awesome day involving a lot of caving and an archeological dig. I think the caves we visited housed Jews during the Bar Cochba rebellion while they were being persecuted by the Romans (I may be wrong on this one; I don't have my notebook with me). I cannot even imagine having to hide underground for that long or even go through the tiny tunnels we encountered. Our group shared a really cool moment at one of the caves as we sat in the main room, a place where people would have lived and studied Torah by candlelight. There is total silence and darkness; total nothingness. We sat for a minute taking it all in and listening to the quiet, and then we just sort of all spontaneously started singing a song that our Morah (teacher) taught us, a three part round/chant that I will try to upload at some point. This positive, beautiful sound filled the cave, and our Morah afterwards said that sometimes the past sings to you, but in that moment we sang to the past.
Thursday we went to Sippori. We walked around some ruins of beautiful mosaics and discussed how the Romans and Jews lived together. Afterwards we partook in an intense discussion about Gilad Shalit. Our Madrichim shared their personal opinions about the situation and their connections to Gilad. I started shaking while they spoke.
In the afternoon Weber and JDS split up to go spend Shabbat with their respective sister cities. Weber took a small Tiyul to the Maayan at Yashuv, or spring. We walked in beautiful flower filled meadows, took a dip in a natural spring, drank some Turkish coffee, and caught up with each other. It was a wonderful, chill, much-needed afternoon of Weberness.
Right before we boarded the bus to go to Yokneam for Shabbat, I stopped to pee with my friend Jason (and don't worry, we went in different directions). As I climbed down from my spot, I heard a strange sound emanating from the hills and fields below me. It was Muslim prayer. Jason and I were the only ones not on the bus, and we shared this moment of looking out at a valley containing no signs of humanity-just plants-with our arms around each other, looking at the view below us and listening, losing ourselves to the place we were in.

My second week in Israel is coming to an end. I am falling more in love with this country with each day. While picking oranges on Sunday with my friends and our teacher, our group got to talking about the story of Pardeis. I may not be getting all the details right, but the story basically involves 4 Rabbis going into paradise, or Pardeis, and only one of them making it out (Rabbi Akiva) because they weren'temotionally prepared for going or for leaving.
I know Israel is not perfect. I know I am on a tour and being selectively shown the good parts of this country. But for me, Israel is a Pardeis, and I am wondering how prepared I will be to leave this country and this trip because I do not even know if I was prepared to come. I cannot speak Hebrew, I cannot daven at an Orthodox synagogue without guidance from the person next to me, I am unfamiliar with the stories and Mishnot our Morim share with us. I know this is my own faulty, but I just never expected to feel the connection with Judaism and Israel that I am experiencing. In a way, I feel spiritually excluded from my own relgion and people here because of my lack of knowledge. I never thought I would say this, but I want to learn Hebrew and continue my Jewish studies in college. It's so weird. When I came to Israel, one of our teachers greeted me not with "Welcome" but "Welcome home." I may not ever make Israel my physical home, but the next time I come, which I hope I will be able to do, I want to feel at home with Israel's language, customs, and people- I want to be prepared to make the most of this Pardeis.